Home February 2022 Anecdotes and Advice

Anecdotes and Advice

    Valentine’s Day is coming, and unattached people get tired of being alone or hearing, “So is there anyone special in your life?” For some, the idea of dating—or dating again—is anything from troubling to terrifying.
    “Holidays are especially hard, because people are thinking about love,” explained longtime dating coach and matchmaker Judith Gottesman, M.S.W., whose clients range from 20-somethings to 90-somethings. “Love makes everything better, but people are troubled about certain aspects of dating.”
    Gottesman has released a double set of books: The Lost Art of Dating and Your Soul Mate Awaits! The owner of Soul Mates Unlimited® since 2009, Gottesman has assembled dating tips and real-life examples in the books, which are designed to help, educate and entertain people seeking meaningful dating experiences. Gottesman says her technique, which uses “equal parts psychology, attention to detail and intuition,” has resulted in many successful, lasting matches and marriages. She has attempted to find something to help everybody.
    For instance, Gottesman said that some people share too much with strangers. She encourages them to share less and be selective about the people they date. As she explained, “You don’t want to get burned out. Going on endless dates that lead nowhere leads nowhere.”
    Gottesman added, “People can be afraid to go on dates or go out too much. You want to be somewhere in the middle and make time for balance. Dating can feel like a job. You don’t know when you’re going to meet the love of your life. You should feel good about your life to have someone join you. Build your life and make it the way you want it, but don’t get too set in your ways. Be able to compromise, and know what you’re willing to compromise.”
    Major sticking points in relationships can involve lifestyle, politics, values and goals, according to Gottesman. Issues include where to live, whether to have children, whether to keep kosher and whether to get married at all. People can make the relationships work, but they have to be clear about the issues. “If you’re in love, you might be willing to change,” she said.
    COVID-19 has changed the concept of dating, with challenges to meeting someone in person and staying safe, but people are still finding love, according to Gottesman. She also keeps geography from being an issue, usually making matches between people who are some distance apart from each other. While she thinks that people should be close in age to consider dating, “It’s up to the individuals.” Nowadays, people are getting married later, being less concerned about status and security, but still seeking love.
    Gottesman understands how self-doubt and uncertainty plague “those looking to date for the first time, for the first time in a long time or for those who just need a fresh perspective,” the back covers of her books contend. She offers tips on creating an online profile, making a first impression, putting romance into one’s life and other issues. The Lost Art of Dating tells people how to find a date and how to find everlasting love. Readers will learn the basics of finding a date, figuring out where to go on a date, dealing with not having chemistry and how much time to give a prospective relationship.
    In Your Soul Mate Awaits! A Matchmaker Reveals How to Find Love and Happiness in 3 Simple Steps, Gottesman goes beyond dating to explore today’s relationship concerns. According to the book jacket, she “believes that finding one’s soul mate can be distilled into three steps—Desire, Believe, and Act— and she gently guides readers through them.” Gottesman said that the book will help people to “Understand how to find out if you really Desire a soul mate; figure out how to really Believe you are destined to find the One; and learn how to Act to put yourself out there.”
    Gottesman advises people to throw out their list of wants, stop listening to what other people think and be true to themselves. “You can overlook a lot of things for the right person,” she said. “You can’t control fate, but you have to be proactive. Be your best self, be open and don’t give up hope.”
    The books are available to buy on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B09KQ46NRP. And, for more information on Soul Mates Unlimited™️ please visit https://www.soulmatesunlimited.com/.   

Ilene Schneider is a contributing writer to Jlife Magazine.

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