Home October 2016 Just Do Your Thing

Just Do Your Thing

1016dvorahLet’s start with social media: Do you have a Facebook page? I don’t have one. When my daughter posts photos of me, I get calls all of the time, “I didn’t know you were still alive!”

If you had one, what would you post? I’d tell people where I am at, that I am happy.

You can use it for more than that, like share cat videos. I can tell you the books I am reading. Sure, how about any shows you’ve watched excessively, aka binge-watched? I watch four different shows every night. And I’ve been watching the Olympics everyday.

You’re a natural! As for your profile pic, would you take a photo of yourself, aka a selfie? Who the hell would want to see an old lady? We can even have you do a duck face: push your lips out. I ain’t gonna do that—I ain’t gonna make a funny face.

True, don’t want to scare off the boys. What’s the dating scene like for you? There’s a guy who is 90 years old that likes me… he’s too young. I’m 95. What’ll he do with me and I with him? What are we going to talk about? Our great grandchildren?

So there’s a fellow chasing you, what do you think about the reverse? At one time, I’d say that’s bad—it meant the girl was bold. But now, if she wants to call him up, she should do that. Half of the time, the boys are shy, and she knows what she wants.

What about women paying for the date? If I went any place, the man paid the bill. Nowadays, you pay your own bill, and he pays his own. One time I went out with a guy and he tells me “We’ve gone out a few times. Now I think we should split the bill.” I bought him a sweater for Christmas, do you think he bought me any gifts? I quit that real fast. Any other dates? Physically, I am not in the mood for that business.

Well, speaking of: what are your thoughts on doing “that business” before marriage? Not crazy about it. Do it and enjoy it. I was what you’d call a prude. How old are you again? I’m 27 now. 27?! Kinahora! You should have had three babies by now!

Moving on…what do you think about this Pokemon-Go craze? How you gonna date anybody with that? Interesting point, but it’s not a dating app. Kids go around putting themselves in danger. You know, YOLO: You Only Live Once? What kind of crap is that? Yellow? No, Y-O-L-O. What does yellow mean, it’s a color. I am going to write this down. Now you can race through the halls in your electric wheelchair yelling “YOLO!” I am gunna do that tonight! Okay, Aunt Essie, but please obey the speed limit. 

Any last advice? Just do your thing.

Dvorah Lewis is a contributing writer to Jlife Magazine.

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